Friday, August 21, 2009

I eat therefore I swell...

I am doing Weight Watchers...again.

Back when I was 40 I lost about 100 lbs on WW and could wear anything---unfortunately I found all those lbs and a few extra.

In a world where there are dates wrapped in bacon and stuffed with Parmigiano Reggiano or salads with champagne dressing, mandarines, Gorgonzola and pine nuts not to mention Pumpkin Bread Pudding Brulee-how can anyone be thin?

Did you ever notice that when you go to a craft class you don't see to many thin people?

I have this theory that creativity gives one the fat gene or vice versa, doesn't matter it's there.

Also crafters can be really good cooks OR they know where they can pick up a box of really fine Cannolli or Danish and they are happy to share with other crafters.

Ask a crafter where the closest SEE's Candy is, they WILL know.

I'm not so much about sweet-bread, pasta, those pesky carbs are my downfall.

Don't get me started about fried food, fried is one of my favorites of the food groups and show me a good buffet and I'm done for.

(Frankly even a mediocre buffet is fine-I love Hometown Buffet's meatloaf)

Here is desperation-I found whole wheat hot dog buns that are only 2 points.

WW is very unfair to women - ladies get like 2 points a day-we large fellas get 40 or so.

Now, you take a bag of ready mix cole slaw and pour in some Tom's Sweet Vidalia Onion LITE dressing-just enough to coat don't want to kill the crunch, put 3 ounces of turkey breast on the bun and top with a huge quantity of said slaw , maybe a little dijon mustard schmeer...heaven...Its about 10 points with the turkey and about 5 without so I have 2 with and one without-if I'm desperate enough I just have coleslaw on a bun...

I know, I's almost too much information...did you know Smuckers makes a perfectly acceptable peach preserve that is ZERO points...all fruit no sugar-I count it as one point per tablespoon just in case...

OH! OH!...Weight Watchers Giant Fudge Bars...ONE POINT...they also have a coffee latte one also one point---see ya eat enough stuff that's one point you don't get into trouble.

One whole wheat Hamburger Bun is about 4 points put mustard, tomato, red onion and lettuce on it its still 4 points and you hardly miss the meat and cheese, a dill pickle slab is about 1 point or less...a Whopper is like 20 points.

Chicken is fine as long as you don't have chicken salad-as in mayonnaise...there's a phony WW version-it's just depressing, why bother? You can get salads in restaurants that are enough points to feed Romania for a week-look it up!

After a month or so your taste buds just sorta go numb, even Tabasco on a Saltine is exciting.

Now the nice WWs folks will tell you that I am depriving myself of all sorts of yummy things and by eating smaller quantities and getting some exercise I will be less hungry and lose weight quickly...blah, blah, blah.

I want to settle in and watch Project Runway with a bag of chips and some salsa not carrots and nonfat Ranch dressing.

Do you know what you get for one solid hour of pedaling a life cycle-90 calories, NINETY! That's about a Twinkie, I hate Twinkies, pass on the life cycle, moving on...

I actually forget food and eating when I'm creating.

Somehow designing and concentrating takes my mind off food and I really have to force myself to eat so I don't get peckish.

Peckish...that's a great word...not quite as good as SMARMY but easier to agree upon a definition than PUCE.

PUCE BTW is shocking purple pink...betcha thought it was that acid green I love so much...nope a little more magenta than Heliotrope.

OH, I forgot I was going to tell you WHY paint has those cutesy names!

Did you know that all the trends in the USA and possibly the known universe are decided yearly in OHIO?

It's like finding out that there are 6 people who get paid some outrageous amount of money each, yearly, to get together a few times and have TEA ( it's also a true fact).

So this OHIO panel meets and they decide that this year its going to be jewel tones, Christmas will be less Victorian and more atomic age so coral and turquoise (both considered semi-precious so therefor jewels) will be the colours, stoves will be Hudson Grey-I made that colour up just like they do and cars will come in Celedon green...OK time for lunch.

The names of the colours is to help those of us who might not be able to put together just the right grayish blue and a brownish red with Williamsburg....hmmm...what does that say to you? Colonial, traditional, heritage,,,oh wait Heritage Red and Savannah White? NO Savannah White would go with Charleston Crimson...shoot...whats red? Apples, sometimes but not colonial enough---BARNS but then you get into country names like Sunflower Yellow...OK BOSTON red...baked beans, tea will work!

It's the GRRAnimals school of design...nature colours, local colours, jewel tones---now there's one of my favorites!

What we call a ruby is almost entirely composed of aluminum oxide in its corundum form. Corundum has a crystal structure made up of repeating units of aluminum ions surrounded by oxide ions.

SO BY RIGHTS Rubies should be and sometimes are called Corundums but only of they are RED rubies and only if there is chromium present---no chromium you have a clear Ruby...other impurities make other colours-same with Diamonds and other gemstones.

While TOPAZ may make you think of a warm honey yellow a Topaz can be many colours and Sapphires can be the same yellow as can diamonds...confusing isn't it? Remember the cotton candy and bubble gum?

SO the paint people made up names in colour groups so that we wouldn't make boo boos they assumed we couldn't deal with colours but could deal with NOT putting Eggshell with Newport Blue when we all know that eggshells and blueberries come from the food group while Newport is in Rhode Island or California so it is a seaside locale suitable for the resort location group and never to meet the flower, gemstone or arbitrary groups.

I'm not making this up you know?

Here comes the slap your forehead and say, "ain't I a fool ?" part:

Remember those folks in Ohio?

Well they got together seems Plum Pudding (the colour) didn't do well last year so there's a lot of throws and Holiday decor and paint hanging around that was supposed to be combined with Toffee and maybe Sage ( it is an edible name) but alas failure...Putting that all to one side, this year we will be calling it REGAL PLUM and we will be showing it with Royal Gold and Empire Green---same colours, new names...and while we're at it let's suggest that it just may be time for a midsized sedan in REGAL PLUM.

Have you noticed that POMEGRANATE and BLUEBERRY are really popular? Coincidence or Conspiracy?

They both used to be ZERO points on Weight Watchers.

NOW that they are popular they have a point value.

Somebody get Ohio on the phone...


  1. What was the name of the place we had lunch at in Las Vegas? The Peppermill? How many points do you suppose that Carmon Miranda salad was? Remember that thing? Piled so high with fruit it looked like her hat!

  2. Ah the Peppermill-I believe I had the COBB? About a million points!


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