What a trying few weeks it’s been…back problems, tooth problems, just one thing after another…
I’ve managed to keep up with my ATC production and have one or two more projects to take care of before I’m done for the year.
Wish I felt a little better.
I feel like Christmas this year, a different kind of holiday drive than I have had in the past-I am not driven to go shop and spend money, more an enjoyment of the lights and the decorations and just the feeling of the season.
I missed Thanksgiving altogether-heating pad and I spent the day trying to quell the spasm in my back.
I hate missing TURKEY and all the Thanksgiving stuff.
For a number of years my tradition had become going to the buffet at the CASTAWAY (or the Odyssey) either of which overlook the valley and are lovely at the holidays.
I always scheduled my reservations so I would be there for the pearly part of the afternoon as evening drops down misty and soft and the lights twinkle on in the homes below…pretty, tranquil and comforting.
Full and miserable I would then drive to Griffith Park for the city light show which is a couple miles of Los Angeles landmarks and holiday icons done in Christmas lights and sponsored by the department of water and power.
Always a nice way to kick off the holidays-CD in the player with some nice Christmas tunes and way too much food trying to digest but a familiar and luxurious discomfort.
For quite a few years after my Mother became ill the holidays just became a jumble-some Christmases I spent alone with her across the yard not feeling well and I couldn’t leave her alone and go off and have a good time-so I would just sulk out the day feeling sad and alone.
The new improved me would have made other arrangements.
I have come to understand how MUCH (too much) we are forced to shoulder because of guilt.
I hope I have moved right on past the period in my life-I intend to live and enjoy the things I love, conversations and friends and being where I want to be and when I want to be there not because I HAVE to but because I WANT to.
I have learned this year that we must never assume our bridges are built and secure-we must always be building new bridges, new connections with others who share in a positive and nurturing way our values and feelings.
People do not always score 100% on our click meter but there are a huge number who do better than 60% is we allow them.
Long back I ran my life by a view of what things “COST” me-no monetarily but in other ways.
Somehow when we are younger political views and social values are so much more important in the people that you hang with.
As we get older it seems to me that it is so much more important to have people who share our interests in daily life-art, crafts, books, films, TV, whatever little stuff and giggles we get that make life like the best frosting in the world-the cake is assumed and holds up the rest but I loves me some good frosting.
“People frosting” isn’t fattening, doesn’t clog your arteries, seldom has to be beaten or whipped and is just the yummiest thing when it flows on smoothly and challenges you in ways that are good and electric.
There are those bakeries that mix Crisco and powdered sugar and call it Frosting and then there are the real buttery, heavy cream and good vanilla bakeries that are worth going out of your way for.
That where I live today in the buttery, yummy world of good frosting and if I find that there’s Crisco added-well I have the right to chose how often I patronize that product-sneaking in artificial vanilla makes it worse…
I am so tired of negativity…we all have negative things and it used to be a part of my DRAMA BUBBLE-negativity is a prime component of DRAMA-think about it…
I find myself running from DRAMA and Negativity more and more-I don’t believe it’s unavoidable-sometimes it just has to be stared down or quelled I’m talking about the “somebody else’s crap that they are loving to share with any and everyone” kind of Drama and negativity-that’s the mess I just can’t be around anymore.
I am or have been for most all of my life a FIXER-I need to help people fix things even at my own detriment.
What I learned is you can’t fix anyone but yourself-so I am now a voice of reason and opinion-here’s how I would do it and take it or ignore it but that’s the extent to which I care to play.
This is probably the biggest lesson I have learned since I discovered that one can say “NO” and you probably won’t lose a true friend…
So FAH LA LAH LALA I am off to enjoy the holiday-I doubt that anyone will be able to coax me out for New Years eve-since I don’t get drunk its always obnoxious to be the sober one in a room of people who will end up caressing the toilet bowl during the Rose Parade while I will be having hot cinnamon rolls and critiquing Raul Rodriguez’s newest reimagining of the same overdone crap he’s been doing for years…and feeling so superior in the process (It’s the PROJECT RUNWAY of Holiday events).
I hope you have a wonderful whatever it is that you celebrate this year…I hope your holidays sparkle like microfine glitter in halogen lights, I hope every light twinkles just for you, I hope there is good food and elegance and your own special sinful delights (I had me a JACK IN THE BOX eggnog shake the other day-yummy)…
Tuesday I am going to the North Woods Inn with my little neighbors who come in from Minnesota for the winter-I love the NWI at the holidays-it’s just Christmas with filet mignon and cheesy bread and yummy stuff; old fashioned and about as PC as Donna Reed…
May Angel’s Music fill your dreams
And keep you through the night
May magic, love and mystery
Be seen in every light
May chocolate clouds and sugar puff snow
Be the worst of the weather you see
And may this year be the one you’ve wanted
These wishes are your gift from me
All my love goes out to you my dears and darlings and health, happiness and all things beautiful in 2010.